Sunday, July 08, 2012

Paved Paradise

Here I write from my grandmother's old velvet covered bridge table which we are using as a shared desk in our little studio - the extension of our bedroom in the house I grew up in. Its been 8 months since we moved to Lanka and it is surreal, which can be good, and can be bad. 

Its good because in the first 3-4 months we hit the ground running (hard) and achieved another milestone with the Electric Peacock festival in its second year. Got Basement Jaxx, Chicane, Nihal down and got some awesome assistance from so many talented individuals and companies. We had over 2,000 people come and dress up and party hard till 6am! What a rush... and now we're on to year 3! Already!
It was hard not to feel slightly transient though, in that we flew in and started work - there was no 'phew ok, we're here, what shall we do?' which is what I know Lee wanted. And I wanted it too, but the desire of the music stung me and I couldn't resist. 

I can't say whether it was worth the immense and unnamable sacrifices we made, I suppose in year 3 or 4 when we're flying high - we will probably say it was. 

Right now, its July 8th and I can honestly say that while I love being here, it is probably the hardest decision I've made in a long while. I think people who 'live the dream' don't know they're doing it all the time. Joni Mitchell's words ring a bell with her 'paved paradise'... Fact is, its warm all the time, there are coconut trees and humming birds outside my window, Lee and I are both starting our own businesses and yet we don't entirely feel like the masters of our own fate. I suppose those with religious beliefs like myself will say, its not up to us, its up to God. Which I believe.

My family have been incredible - so supportive but also our biggest critics, who would expect less? We're lucky to have been able to rely on them and our home and our base here to build upon our lives... and to be able to wake up to them everyday and see their smiling faces, laugh and share in our lives together is exactly what I wanted. But sometimes things can also affect us adversely without us realising. Comfort is a danger as much as it is a solace.

Our friends have been wonderful, people who you didn't even know were going to become so important to you and those who you loved for many years are still there, making you laugh and giving you the strength to believe in yourself and what you're meant to do.

This year, is a year of decisions, journeys, questions, patience, fears and joys all crashing into each other like awkward teenagers in a high-school hallway. And I feel like I'm right in the middle of it.